Living in Loving Risk
Has the thought ever crossed your mind that life is fragile? One look at the news will show one just how vulnerable we really are as people. Since we are made in the image of God, we live and we love; We die and we hurt. The index of our lives can be seen in the connections that we make. Life would be dead without each other. We all have relationships that are amazing and some that cause tension. We are unique and the way that we process our feelings and our reactions are no different. This is the beauty that makes people “Special.”
For the next three blog articles I want to bring light to a topic that fails to cross many people’s minds. This is the topic of therapy. That buzzword probably just killed your interest. I know that I would have felt the same way a few years ago. However, I have gone through a healing journey of discovering who I am. Now I better understand the beauty of brokenness that exists within the people that I meet everyday. My hope and prayer as you read these next few posts is that you will see the areas of your heart that need healing. As you get to know yourself in your healing journey, you will be able to walk with people through their journey. Let’s dive in.
Relationship
We all long for a place where we can belong. Humans are made in the image of God. Therefore, we long to love and be loved. We thrive best when we are together. For ancient tribes, being together was the key to survival. Today, in the west, we live in a very individualistic culture. It is no wonder that we feel lonely and apart from each other.
If we want to bring reconciliation to the lack of relationship, it starts with building healthy relationship. This is where good therapy comes in. Before anything good can happen between a therapist and a client, there must be an opening of trust. This can be seen in our relationship with Jesus. We cannot experience the joy that salvation brings unless we trust the giver of that grace. If we want people to open up to us, we need to provide a space where they to feel comfortable.
If we look at the people that are around us. Our friends, families, and the people that we work with and rub shoulders with, we will see that everyone has needs of the heart. What is the most important need? With this question in mind, you may think of many things that the heart needs. When in reality, the heart needs one thing above all else. That one thing is relationship. In the trust of relationship, the heart can open up. This allows the heart to breathe. When the heart breathes, it releases the tensions that weigh it down. This enables the heart to receive the love and acceptance that it desperately needs.
The Problem of Control AKA Cure
Now that there is an understanding of the heart, we will look at what gets in the way of the heart breathing. Control is any action that we do to be in charge. We love to manipulate the ways that things work to our own advantage. This leads to us trying to fix our problems on our own. Olthuis puts it this way.
“It is a vicious circle. Our skyscrapers gleam, our faces smile, our rhetoric is boastful, the stock market soars — yet city streets are filled with the hungry and homeless. We are well-off, yet we are confounded and unhappy, the powerful who feel powerless. Despite unparalleled advances in almost every field of human endeavor, we continue to run out of the basic elements necessary for life: clean air, good food, stable currency, secure jobs, caring families, intimate friendships, vibrant churches.” (28)
Our desire for control has lead to many issues of the heart. The issues of the heart have lead to issues in the world around. The cycle of control has not and still isn’t meeting our deepest desires of longing and belonging. Therapy is no different. If we want to meet the needs of the people around us we need a better approach.
Introduction to Caring
Caring is different than control in the way that it focuses on the person instead of the problem that they are facing. We all wish for problems to get solved. Sometimes, our sole focus is on fixing problems. This can lead to steamrolling the people that get in the way. How do we help people in a caring way? We need alternative approaches to the way that we interact with and counsel people.
Compassion (Seeing people the way that God sees them)
God created people in his image. Adam and Eve disobeyed and sin entered the world. When we are talking about the problems that people face, all of the brokenness in the world is a direct result of the sin of the human heart. Still, God sees his image through all the brokenness. Jesus came for holistic salvation. Throughout his ministry, Jesus saw through the brokenness in others and brought about healing. If we want to be people that help bring healing to the world around us, we need to learn to see the image of God through people’s brokenness. We reach out in compassion to others because Jesus reached out in compassion to us when no one else would. There is no one too broken for God. There is no one outside the reach of God’s love. If you feel too broken, know that God loves you more than you love yourself. Rest in the fact that he waits with patience for your transformation. There are ways that we can show the love of God to others.
The Practiced Art of Listening
God gave each person a voice, the ability to communicate. From birth, a baby cries out for the things that they need. As people get older, they learn how to selectively communicate. This means that they may not voice the pain that they are in. Even a child that is constantly ignored when they are trying to talk is less likely to keep trying. This is especially true if they feel that what they have to say is not important. One if not the greatest ways to care for people is to master the skill of listening. When people feel heard, they feel important. When we listen to people, we can see the beauty of their life, as well as the hardships that they are facing. Advice is all around us. Everybody wants to tell the other person the right way to act and to do something. It can be tempting to give advice to people that are hurting. However, advice may not be what the person needs. That is why I call this the skill of listening. It is not easy but is worthwhile. When was the last time you listened without giving advice? If you have not tried listening, I challenge you to give it a try and see how your relationships grow. I promise they will.
When people know that they are known and loved, they are able to open up. As they are listened to, they feel more known and the relationship grows. In the next few articles, I will talk about more thoughts from Dr. Othuis’ book, The Beautiful Risk. To love people is to take risk. To take risk is to love. I pray that you enter the risk.
